Thursday, 27 November 2014

Morrissey - Palasport Giovanni Paolo II, Pescara - 19 October 2014

so this was a pretty big deal. Morrissey playing Pescara. the town closest to
where my relatives are in Italy. what are the odds?!! the whole idea was go 
to Italy see relatives, see moz. and my Mum gets to see the man who has
impacted me so much. I found that the cutest thing ever. 

me in my favorite Morrissey t shirt before setting off for the gig.
excuse the doofy expression. I was rather stressed out/excited
in anticipation of the gig ... not to mention the whole trying 
to get a good photo thing ... which I gave up on ;)

only in Italy would be the BOOTLEG MERCH be set up like this!! 
... no, dumped all over the pavements like in the UK!!!

I bought the Meat is Murder/Hatful of Hollow ones below.
why the hell did I not buy the Sheila one above??!! NO IDEA!!!

first glimpse inside of the stage 

the official merch. I bought the t shirt on the right above.
I rather like the WORLD PEACE one below 

The Queen Is Dead
Certain People I Know
World Peace Is None Of Your Business 
I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
Kiss Me A Lot
Neal Cassady Drops Dead
Trouble Loves Me
The Bullfighter Dies
Kick the Bride Down The Aisle
Earth Is The Loneliest Planet
Meat Is Murder
How Soon Is Now?
You Have Killed Me
I'm Not A Man 

Everyday Is Like Sunday 

the realisation that THE QUEEN IS DEAD has just started up shocks me 
so much that for a minute I am so startled, I don't know how to react. 
then I do, I stop recording on the flip immediately. put it into my pocket
and without even thinking, start REACTING to this song.

this is very good, with this first song a precedent has been set, and I 
mean for me in the audience. I have reacted, people near me know 
have reacted. that awkward, just reacting a little bit, all polite and 
conservative thing you do at the start of gigs never even happened ...  
it has been bypassed. and within 30 seconds. 

nice one moz. please start all gigs like this. 

I am jumping up and down punching the air, singing along, all whilst 
still adjusting to the realisation that THIS is happening. I am finally 
hearing this song live, and it could not be any more perfect. live it's 
brutal and powerful and all encompassing. 

the flip was still recording whilst in my pocket!!! this is priceless to me. 
it takes me right back ... hear me during QUEEN at 0:39/1:11 

SPEEDWAY as the second song and FOLLOWING on from what has 
already happened catches me so off guard, and is SO PERFECT that I 
let out the loudest roar/scream within 2 seconds of it starting. listening 
back to it now (at 3:20 above) it gives me goose pimples and made me
well up with tears. that night it was the most perfect moz gig moment
I have EVER been a part of.

listen for me singing along at 3:46 ;)
listen for me singing along at 4:53 ;)

this is the most perfect 2 song gig opener I have ever witnessed.

I love how the the tempo of the song lends itself so well to jumping 
up and down ... and also how the song meanders and almost drifts 
off dreamily and then picks up, meaning that the intensity of your 
reactions is always changing. right up until you get to the 'written lies' 
bit when you are just screaming your lungs out, like you have waited 
2 years for this moment ... oh hang on, YOU HAVE ... and you just 
hear your own voice over everything else. and the realisation hits you, 
of the importance of all this, this moment, to you (6:42/7:04 above)

CERTAIN PEOPLE I KNOW is a good 3rd song. you can just enjoy it, 
in a 'having a rock-a-billy style dance' way. it's not as intense as the 
previous 2 songs, but I wouldn't really want a 3rd song to be. 

it's a joyous 3 minutes revelling in it and marvelling at what has already 

everyone claps along to the start of WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS. and it's a really cute and nice moment. 

I'M THROWING MY ARMS AROUND PARIS is joyous and celebrationary 
and is just plain lovely. I am so happy now, that I am just enjoying it all 
and am totally relaxed

Morrissey says PES-CARA (in 2 parts) after and its the cutest thing ever!

KISS ME A LOT. not a big fave off the album. neverthless it's a cute lil 
thing that you can just sway along to and just immerse yourself in and

Moz reads out a banner "Pescara is happiest Coastal town of all" and
adds "that's what they say la la la la" and it is darn cute. yes people have 
made banners. it's cute and shows what this concert, means to them. 
take note UK ... make banners. show moz you love him/are grateful to 
see him ;)

NEAL CASSADY DROPS DEAD follows on from the mood of before,
except it gets more intense reactions from me, cause I love this song 
so much. the best thing is with the start of the gig having been like 
THAT, I am already in the frame of mind where I JUST DON'T CARE 
... some gigs (not necessarily Moz) you get through the whole gig and 
never reach that stage

and INSTANBUL carries on that frame of mind just lovely ... ISTANBUL
astounds me with it's power and beauty live, which I had noticed instantly
when it was played in Milan. I mean I loved it already, but it is even more
beautiful and touching live. if that is possible. obviously because it is all
happening in front of you and not on a cd, it is going to have a huge impact
on you. and this sure does. 

''By now you expect my Italian to be fluent ... it isn't!!" 
(cute bit at the start of above)

the crowd all cheer when the meandering music intro goes into the start
of TROUBLE LOVES ME ... this song abruptly ends the casual relaxed
atmosphere I have been enjoying in previous songs. obviously, it's THIS
SONG ...  the emotions slowly building up in me. my voice getting louder 
until all I can hear is my voice over everything around me ... and by the 
time it gets to the 'charlatanize me' and the "so english frowning" bit 
I am screaming the words out like I have never been touched by any 
other words so deeply. 

hear off-key brit singing (me, not moz) at 4.18/4.28/4.50/5.03 /5.23/5.28
and err 5.43 hahaha

the start of HOW SOON IS NOW vibrates through. it is so loud and 
apocalyptic that I instantly start jumping up and down and never let up. 

it makes no difference. I carry on doing the same, I think of Daz, who 
I know would be doing the same if he was here ... this is even better 
than when I heard it in Manchester 2012. I am not going to waste how 
I have already felt earlier in this gig, to suddenly NOT react now, even 
if I am all alone.

so I go for it ... like I never have gone for it ever before. all alone.

above at 1:44. right hand corner. the 2 arms punching the air. that 
is me. keep an eye on that corner (and me) as the song progresses ;)
haha me at 2:23. pretty funny to see myself. I guess I #kinda went for
it!!! ;)

at the end, some guy appears from nowhere and starts jumping up 
and down with me!! ... it was a nice moment to realise one other 
person had to react in a similiar way

then something funny happened. I decided to move. move from the 
right hand side where I had been all gig, into the crowd. just decided 
to do it. I wanted to be more near the front. so I did. the italians were 
not too impressed with someone squeezing by them. but oh well. I had 
made up my mind ... that makes me sound a very confident person!!! 
which I am not, I just wanted to be closer to Moz, and wasn't gonna let 
their faces of disapprovement stop me. so I get to just a few rows from 
the front as ASLEEP starts up and film it on my Flip (above) how perfect 
and beautiful is it?? it meant a lot to the crowd, people were all singing 
along all around me.

EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY starts up, it all goes a bit mental. I am 
on the 2nd row. it's chaotic and beautiful. intense and life affirming. 
it affects me in a way that it hasn't for years. when you like a song so
much and it has affected you so strongly so much in the past, it can be 
hard for it to affect you on the same level every time. but tonight it was
back to how it had used to affect me. hitting me all at once, the power
and beauty (and desperation) of it

and this is where things go weird. very weird. good weird.
see 0:14 above

morrissey tickles my fingers

this affected me so much, and left me in such a state I had no idea
he had even done a shirt toss at the end of the song.

see a different view (from just behind me) below at 2:41 

excuse me while I go cry for 500 years.
these videos make me want to cry right here. right now.
from happiness. I am a wuss. I am G.

also, how fkng amazing and JOYOUS does it sound??!!
I was DYING OF HAPPINESS  before he even tickled my fingers
best live version I have ever been a part of.

needless to say. I was in a daze as the gig ended. 
I am so happy that I had decided to move into the crowd.
I never could have expected that to happen.
and before that it had been a perfect gig.

I had no words for my happiness.

update on post moz gig experiences.
my mum really liked it (Sunday was fave)
my uncle who previously said he did not really like the
cd versions of the songs that much really enjoyed it all live
(update: he loves the cds now)
so impressed was he, he could not work out how he had never
saw the Smiths in the 80s when he was seeing Simple Minds,
U2 etc 

his girlfriend loved it. she is even more obsessed with his songs now
LET ME KISS YOU is her fave (she loves the hollywood live version)
but she loved that song before the gig, I had told her I doubt it would
be played. she loves it even more now. she can't stop listening to the
cds. we are gonna go see moz the next time he plays Italy.

final thoughts on gig.
best 2 song start to a moz gig ever.
Trouble killed me and How Soon is now finished me off. 
no words for Sunday.

I love you Morrissey.
thanks for the tickle. 

Sunday, 23 November 2014


  this picture of me sitting on that bench is pretty significant.

  I took this photo around July time of this year. the previous year 
  around August time I often used to sit in that same place and 
  just cry. I have no idea what the people in the building opposite 
  used to think.

  but this day/month/period above was important because I used 
  to walk by that building and had the realisation how much things 
  had changed and improved since the last year, and I did not just 
  cry out of the blue anymore.

  for months I couldn't even tell people my dad had died. I could
  not say the words ... that word, it had such a ring of finality to it.
  I mean I totally understood he was gone, but it was like saying
  that word meant accepting it.

  I avoided Costa Coffee for 3 months. because I could not handle 
  if a girl I knew in there asked how I was. she already knew about 
  my dad previously being ill. so I just didn't go in. I was fine so 
  long as people didn't ask how I was.

  you never realise how things have actually changed until it hits 
  you all at once.

  when things happen slowly, you hardly notice them happening. 
  a person can gradually get more ill, but because it happens so
  slowly and over a a long period of time, you kind of get used to 
  it. until something hits you out of the blue. when my dad ended 
  up in hospital in January 2013, the severity basically came out 
  of nowhere and I was faced with the prospect that he might not 
  make it through the night ... and I was not talking to him at the 

  he did make it through that night. and I did go and see him in 
  hospital. it's hard to see someone who always was such a strong 
  figure hooked up to breathing apparatus, asking "is there any 
  hope for me?" ... that is still very hard for me to think about.
  and at the time it took everything for me not to cry right there 
  and then. I looked at the ground a lot. I focused on random
  things in the ward. anything to focus my mind on something
  else ... like I said, something like that comes out of the blue 
  and hits you all at once.

  in that period it used to kill me that I would be in the gym (trying 
  to focus my mind, and failing) and he was in the hospital, alone, 
  less than half a mile up the road. I used to pray that I would get 
  another chance. and if I did, I would give him a hug.

  I got another chance. and I didn't give him a hug. I didn't correct 
  all of the things I had wanted. he was ill. everything was pretty 
  much a struggle for him. I felt awkward ...  also you slip back into 
  thinking everything is going to be okay and you will have plenty 
  of time ... but I didn't. all I got was 6 months. until the same thing 
  happened again ... and this time there was not another chance.

  I managed the tiniest of things though.

  he knows I loved him and I know he loved me. these moments 
  are what I hold onto. 

  that January was a dreadful time, but as crazy as it sounds I am 
  so grateful for it. if people think I am in a mess now, I dread to 
  think what they would have made of me, if I would not have had 
  a second chance to have corrected just a few things. I would have
  been devastated if he would have died that night and things would
  have been left how they were. 

  my last memories of my dad are horrible. that I can't write about. 
  basically what happened in January happened again 6 months 
  later. I have good memories too. when I was about 9, at school, 
  something had upset me towards the end of the day. I knew if I 
  remained upset my dad would come in and shout and get mad at 
  people and find out why I was so upset. and he did. I was pretty 
  cheeky back then. 

  he often used to take me and my sister to school in his BMW. 
  it was nice. kids were envious. like I said I have good memories. 
  I could have  had years more though. I am such a fool.


  I am a lot better now than I was a year ago ... but in some ways 
  worst. in many ways it was easier then. finality and acceptance 
  of things is something totally different altogether. last year my 
  emotions came in waves, out of the blue the horror of what had 
  happened would hit me. now it's totally different, quite often if 
  something else upsets me, then thinking about my dad enters 
  the picture and affects everything. and like last year, everything 
  seemed a hell of a lot easier when the sun was shining. but like 
  I said at the start of this, I have made progress. it may not seem 
  like it sometimes, but I most definitely have.

  I like this photo. look how happy he looks.

  the BMW. he was not happy that day. Car problems. 
  he was fetching us all back from Bournemouth. 
  how awkward does it look. I still like the picture though.

  What I learnt.

  I spent so long thinking everything was A/B and C ... and that 
  we were very different people. only to realise I am pretty much 
  him. I wish I could have worked it all out sooner. I wish I had 
  not been so stubborn. Fathers and Sons. The irony is he basically 
  had the same relationship with his father. He was not talking to 
  his dad when he died. and he was in a very bad way in the period

  Now I know how he felt. and I can't hug him. or talk to him.

  Don't waste time. Tell people how you feel.
  Learn from my mistakes.

  Thank you to the people who have helped me.
  You know who you are.

Friday, 21 November 2014

Morrissey - Teatro Linear, Milan - 16 October 2014

The Bullfighter Dies
Kiss Me A Lot
You Have Killed Me
Certain People I Know
Neal Cassady Drops Dead
Everyday Is Like Sunday
How Soon Is Now?
World Peace Is None Of Your Business
I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
Trouble Loves Me
Earth Is The Loneliest Planet
Kick the Bride Down The Aisle
I'm Not A Man
Meat Is Murder

One Day Goodbye Will Be Farewell

as I had hoped as soon as the lights go down everyone in seats rushed 
forward. and I do too. okay let me re-phrase that, only people from 
the first 8 rows move forward (I am row 7) ... but more on that later.

so after 2 years waiting. I am finally seeing Morrissey again. it is pretty
overwhelming, and I am curious what the first song will be. something 
epic and big and dramatic?? ... err it's The Bullfighter Dies!!! 

not my ideal set opener, especially after such a long wait. I sure as 
hell would have liked something a lot more dramatic (2 days Georgie 
#patience my boy) but having said that, it's a nice start, really joyful. 

the crowd is not manic, just really chilled. it's not what I am used to at 
a moz gig, but having said that it's nice. I mean I am not getting crushed 
to death (hello brixton) so I just enjoy it for what it is. it sure is very
interesting though seeing moz gigs outside the uk. Milan is definitely 
very similar to the New York gigs I saw, in how they react.

 things stay pretty much the same for Kiss me a lot. I like the song
 but it's definitely not one of my big favourites off the album.

Certain People I know is a big surprise, never heard it live. it's a jolly
lil thing. and I like it a lot. 1991 era moz. yes please.

Neal Cassady Drops Dead is one I really really wanted to hear off the 
new album. it is jarring, confrontational,  and in your face live. and yes
those jerking beats suit my dancing style (just shoulder moving really)
down to the ground. it's a marvel to see you know (it isn't really)

How Soon Is Now? is a shock. a good shock. 3 years since I heard it in
Manchester, it is one I was hoping to hear. it is loud and brutal and 
combined with being so close to the stage, the impact and sound is 
encompassing. the crowd hardly react. it's a weird one. it's all good
and well to go into the gig with the idea that you are going to go all
crazy, but when you are down the front and hardly anyone is moving
that plan kinda goes out the window. it would be pretty awkward if
you were the only one reacting in that way. so you kinda adapt to the
situation you find yourself in.

 now lets talk about that. I had always expected italian fans to be really 
 wild (cause I know how devoted they are) ... so imagine my shock at
 a/ how the audience near the front "react" ... and b/ the fact that after 
 the few rows of people that had moved down to the front, the rest of 
 the audience stay IN THEIR SEATS (basically) arms folded, with a look
 of ENTERTAIN ME on their faces ... this is a weird ass gig for sure.

**me above (cap) at 0.24/0.56 

so Speedway is not the epic live thing I had expected. well it IS in how it 
is played. I mean the audience reaction. I mean look at the above. exactly.
I did actually react after the break bit in the song, but that wasn't recorded
in the above. so there you go ... just picture me punching the air.

3.37 me cap/white t shirt punching air. yeah I love this song. and that
bit always really gets me. I always get a bit emotional at this part of it.

4.03 - 4.33 me, clapping ... punching the air (mixing it up yo) 
4.41 really going for it ... all alone haha. 

so I'm not a man. aside from Art-hounds and Mountjoy, this was the
main other new song I wanted to hear live. and I love it even more 
now I have witnessed it live. see the bits above. yeah I like it a lot.

this perfectly sums up the problem with this gig, things (audience wise)
are not as manic as what I am used to in the uk. there is never a moment
when it all just goes off (and you with it) the irony is just as it was getting 
to that stage with I'm Not a Man and One Day goodbye will be farewell, 
the gig ended.

Morrissey rejects my hand at 0.43!!!!! ... oh moz moz moz. I will get
your hand. I really will you know ;)

2.02  see my take the letter from the fan TO GIVE TO MOZ (cause he could 
not reach) haha I could have shook Moz's hand I bet, but I wanted to help 
that dude out. haha how nice am I??!! (I am pretty nice actually)

overall verdict.
it was great to see Morrissey
the crowd behind me was crap
the crowd near me was okay
just as I was getting really into it, it ended.

so not the manic gig I had hoped for
but still definitely worth all the effort to see it

little did I know but boy, how things would be very different in 2 days time 
in Pescara ... boy oh boy what was to come. I had no idea

... to be continued

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Top 10 singles of 2013

  here are my Top 10 singles of 2013.

  and yes I know it's took me 8 months to do it. but I lost 
  a lot of motivation to do blog stuff lately. having said that, 
  doing this has reminded me how much I enjoy the whole
  process. so thanks to Stu + Dandy for the motivation/kick 
  up the backside.

  some choices might surprise a few people. but if you know 
  me just a little bit, you will already know my music taste 
  is pretty varied ;)

  oh yeah, and don't expect my album choices to be anything 
  like this(!) pop may rule the single choices but indie always
  rules the albums. weird? probably ... but that is just the 
  kinda guy I am!!

  let me know if you like any of these songs ... 
  what were your favourite singles of last year?
  let me know in the comments section below

  ps/ and I know Stu is rolling his eyes already just at #10  
  ... let alone 9 !!! ;)

#10 - Applause - Lady Gaga

   this was a weird one. unlike previous lead-off singles Bad 
   Romance/Born This Way that hadn't impressed me much 
   on first listen, but then had a complete turn-around. this 
   never really reached those heights. though I did actually
   start to really like it: it's almost un-pop song like structure 
   with the clipped vocal delivery and sparse beats, and the
   whole idea of a non-anthem used as an anthem.
#9 - Work Bitch - Britney Spears

   in which Britney sounds like she's stumbled into an underground
   german club and barked some commands over the most repetitive 
   (and goddamn perfect beat) ever. it's gets interesting at 2.45 when 
   it goes all trance-y, and touches on the one thing that always made
   trance so special, the feeling of euphoria and emotion.

   and the part at 3.12 is the sound of Britney destroying everything 
   Beyonce has achieved in the past 10 years ... in 15 seconds flat.

#8 - Flatline - MKS

   ' I know what I face. The silence is deafening. I know crying through
    pain won't make it right '

   one reunion off my list. and one I never EVER expected to see.
   this warms my heart. for real. that the original Sugababes got
   back together, as friends, and a band, after everything that had
   happened ... made this song, looked happy and looked like they 
   were thoroughly enjoying every second of it, makes you realise 
   that perhaps there is a place for optimism in the world.

   the song should have been a #1. it sold about 5 copies. 
   I wonder if that crap woman from Harvest did the promotion?

  #7 - The Apple - VV Brown


   ' Hold my soul now, Inside your box, Make me loose, Psychological locks '

    now this was a surprise. I already liked VV Brown and had bought
    her first album (on the back of Shark in the water... but I was not
    expecting this hypnotic, beat-heavy Grace Jones-like track when
    I watched the above on Jools Holland last October ... it took me 
    approximtately 10 seconds to know I would be buying the album.
    and I did.

#6 - Glitterbombed - Charlotte Church

    'When I talk, And your words fall out, They’ve got silver on the edge, 
     Hang shining in the air'
   yes this is Charlotte Church. her of 12 year old Voice of an angel
   fame. yes, it is amazing and sounds like Bjork and every other 
   female artist I love.
   and yes I was blown *utterly* away when I watched the above.
   I wish every artist had this self belief to just do what they like and
   not care about convention. just follow their heart. no scrub that, 
   I wish that *everyone* just went and did that, myself included.

   all you need is total self-belief ... this 3 minutes shows you that.
#5 - Little Me - Little Mix

   ' You can be beautiful, wonderful, anything you want to be '

   if there is one thing I love in music. it is when a song has a real
   message. I love that 12 year olds are hearing stuff like this in 
   amongst all the s*** out there ... what music should be about. 

   sounding like classic En Vogue and following in the footsteps of 
   R&B empowerment ballads such as Sugababes’ "Ugly" Destiny’s 
   Child’s "Survivor" and Christina Aguilera’s "Beautiful" it doesn't
   really get any better than this.

   ' Wish I could somehow go back in time and maybe listen to 
     my own advice' 

#4 - When I was your girl - Alison Moyet


   ' I'd put on every coat. To wear the weather down. But even in the sun. 
     You said you tasted rain. I watched you unfurl. You held on to me '

   *this* is how to make a comeback. I knew Alison had a new record 
   coming out. but I kind of expected it to be more soulful bluesy stuff.
   then I saw the above performance. 


    I swear in May 2013. I listened to this about 500,000 times in 2 days.
    no lie. I do this with every song I like. does anyone else? ... just me?

    I was (and still am) slightly obsessed with the whole torch song/kd lang 
    feel it has to it ... the verses, with that urging driving beat REALLY GET
    TO ME ... my favourite parts of the whole song. and the words ... the 
    ones above alone ... geez

   ' Into corners sweep our rage ... I would never leave you crying '

 #3 - Hearts Like Ours - The Naked and Famous 

   ' There's a fear that won't subside ... Of all the things I'll never do '

   July 2013.
   it's funny ... just when you need a band the most. they come back.
   this appeared exactly at the time I needed to hear a song like this.
   it soundtracked my days. I listened to it on a loop.
   the best thing was when I first heard it, I didn't really know who
   it was until the end. the image change completely threw me ... 
   but the sound was so familiar ... just couldn't quite place it. so 
   glad I couldn't, because that moment when the name popped 
   up at the very end as I watched MTV was an amazing, amazing 

   regarding the video.

   I am in love with every other frame, and just want to pause it and
   look for 30 seconds, and just take in the beauty.

  ' could we try to reinvent. feed the head with common sense ' 
  ' leave this place behind, in silence. and the weight we find inside us '

#2 - Snow - Frida Sundermo

   ' I've never been this far away from you my friend, I need you here '

   this always used to be on at the gym, at first I thought it was Robyn.
   and for ages I had no idea who it was, as no name/song title ever 
   came up. then I found out who it was, watched it properly on yotube 
   and properly fell in love with it.

   this is exactly my kind of song .... desolate, with delicate beats
   quietly euphoric ... and utterly beautiful.

  'I'm alone ... surrounded by the snow'

#1 - Another Love - Tom Odell

   ' I wanna sing a song, That'd be just ours, And I wanna cry,
    I wanna fall in love '

   I know it's probably not cool/cred. and is not even remotely 
   indie. I don't care.

   this is my favourite song of last year. I have only listened to 
   it once since buying it. why? because I have to have one song 
   that I don't know inside out ... every nuance and inflection, 
   every chord change. I want to try and hold onto that feeling 
   that you get when you hear a song for the first time ... that 
   rush you get, of thinking this song will change your life and 
   wondering how you could have ever got by without knowing 
   it ... having it in your life.

   I knew this was going to be important to me when I heard 
   snippets of it around the time it was released. but I resisted 
   listening to it in full because I wanted to save it for when I 
   really needed it the most. I bought it in December time last 
   year and listened to it on the way to the Gym. what struck 
   me was the anger and overwrought emotion that came in at 
   the end. just blew me away. this song I already liked, was 
   now affecting me on a whole other level.

   I just listened to it for the 2nd time.  I lasted 8 seconds before 
   tearing up ... and at 1.20 a tear fell down.

   I can't explain. when I hear this, it's like I need it more than 
   any other song ever released. I guess it's why music means so 
   much to me and why I place so much importance in the power 
   of music.

   ** oh yeah, I have now listened to it a lot more than 2 times.