Friday, 3 July 2015

Do you worry about your health
And do you watch it slowly change
And when you listen to yourself
Does it feel like somebody else

And did you notice
When you began to disappear
Oh, was it slowly at first
Until there's nobody really there

Tuesday, 3 March 2015

Thursday, 5 February 2015

All the sad young men - Spector

so I saw on that Spector had a new single out, so I clicked 
on the video, and was listening to it as it played in the background.

... it's very very different to what I last heard from Spector. 

I liked it instantly. very sombre, very early 80's OMD noir .... 
very Editors/White Lies (by way of Joy Division) ... so pretty perfect.

then something got my attention. made me sit up and listen 
(and actually got me RIGHT THERE, you know in your chest, 
when you know a song has affected you, and you could quite easily 
tear up)

it was just the simple repetition of the 'all the sad young men' 
sung 5 times at 3.00 ... so simple yet so affecting. it had me sitting
there, blinking at the screen at it's sheer perfection and power.

eyes now wide open now, fully engrossed. everything about the song
suddenly seemed more intense (and it was, more about that later)

and then I went straight back to the start and listened to the song
again, and paid even more attention now I know how that part
and the end of the song had affected me.

after a solemn beat, the song just starts instantly. hypnotic, inviting.
the first words that are sang meld beautifully with the omni-present 
beat. the lyrics are delivered very, very precise (almost guarded) in a
way that demand you listen and pay attention. power and strength 
coming from the sheer subtlety of it all.

the best thing is you've spent so long marvelling at the music, when
you start actually paying attention to what is being sang, everything
suddenly moves up to a whole different level.

... boys break like promises but only behind closed doors

the thing that I really love is how the song gets more fuller sounding 
as it progresses, layers being added ... until you reach the repeated 
lines mentioned above, and the intensity is multiplied as the song 
almost fans out in a sweeping flourish. like this widescreen epic 
playing out ... engulfing you. and then it suddenly reverts back to 
the mood it began with, ending on sombre notes.

the type of song you want to hold against your chest and cherish.

this reminds you why you put your faith and trust in music in the
first place. 

"all the sad young men" is available now on itunes.

Sunday, 11 January 2015

Morrissey - O2, London - 29 November 2014

   So this is where it ends. my last Morrissey gig and also in the bigger 
   picture, the end of my 3 months of gigs that started with Kate Bush 
   at the end of august, and had me basically seeing a gig at least every 
   few weeks, taking in Lady GaGa, Kylie, Jesus and mary chain, Kate 
   Bush 2 more times, and 3 Moz gigs.

   it was an exciting time. it was nice to have it all happening in autumn 
   time. to have so many Morrissey gigs in front of you. until one day 
   you wake up, it's winter, you are no longer wearing shorts ... and 
   there is only one more gig left, and it's at the O2 ... amid 20,000 
   people. kind of a big deal. and you'll also be meeting a load of other 
   Moz fans for the first time. so I was a bag of nerves for many reasons.

   me mid afternoon sun ... nerves not visible. just about to go 
   to a chip shop and buy some chips (they were real nice too)

   The Queen Is Dead 
   Staircase At The University 
   World Peace Is None Of Your Business 
   Kiss Me A Lot 
   I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris 
   Smiler With Knife 
   The Bullfighter Dies 
   Trouble Loves Me 
   Earth Is The Loneliest Planet 
   Neal Cassady Drops Dead 
   Meat Is Murder 
   Kick The Bride Down The Aisle 
   I'm Not A Man 

   Everyday Is Like Sunday

   I meet Stu before the gig starts. I am ridiculously anxious and nervous. 
   and it no doubt shows ... but he buys me a drink, we get talking and I feel
   a lot more relaxed.

   Oh yeah, amid all the anxious-ness. Moz is playing a gig. in London. his 
   first for 3 years. at the biggest venue in London. this is not like the usual
   times I have seen him in London at Brixton etc, for sure.

   I had wondered if the gig started with THE QUEEN IS DEAD, how would 
   the crowd near me react ... how would I react? would I have the urge and 
   just be compelled to dart forward into the throng?! the thing is you can't 
   plan what is going to happen, things have to catch you off-guard, when 
   you just react spontaneously, like when I heard The Queen is Dead start
   up in Pescara. 

   as it is. the first song was The Queen Is Dead. and no I wasn't compelled to 
   dart forward. it was not the mass eruption (crowd wise) that I had expected 
   (and that this song deserves) sure there is movement in the crowd near the 
   front but near me, people enjoy it but there are no mass extreme reactions. 
   it's all very british. but in a way it's good, I can watch the gig from where I 
   am. I have done the whole going crazy/losing it to the music bit at the last 
   2 gigs I saw.

   Suedehead was a surprise as the 2nd song. it gets a really great reaction.
   Staircase At The University follows on. haha. this is where my shyness 
   creeps in. because Stu is to my right I cannot just react like I normally 
   would. if it was a random gig person who I would never see again, I 
   would not care less. but like I said, I go all shy and not enough alcohol 
   has been drank, so my flamenco infused feet-taps and claps remain
   under wraps ... but inside I am happy as hell. AND this may very well
   be evident by the 'cool-dude nodding' reaction I give to this song.

   forward to 13.30 below to get Staircase in all it's flamenco glory.

   in my proudest Moz moment (ever) I proudly inform Stu the next song
   is Istanbul. and he tells me it's not (it's actually World Peace Is None Of 
   Your Business) damn those sublime starts of songs ... getting me all
   confused ... *not hard to do, to be fair ;)

   I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris is sublime, beautiful and still
   makes me melt ... oh and Stu casually informs me that he doesn't
   really like this song ... what?! (and I am still rocked by this revelation!!)

   and then he does Istanbul and I'm like "oh yeah, that be the song" 
   with that actual correct intro. me still with egg on my face (but still kinda 
   proud) just to make sure the moment is NOT forgotten, I have to point 
   out to Stu that this REALLY IS Istanbul. 

   I admit I like Smiler With Knife now. since seeing it live my opinion
   of it has changed drastically. it's still no Mountjoy or Art-Hounds 
   to me. but I do find it very beautiful. so Viva Live Gigs for changing
   your opinions of songs. and Viva Moz too. obviously.

   I film something for the first time during The Bullfighter Dies. I just 
   did not want to spend a lot of the gig filming songs. but I wanted to 
   have a few reminders of the gig and my view of it.

   I manage to redeem myself slightly by correctly recognising Trouble Loves 
   Me when it starts and telling Stu. and even though I knew it was this song
   as sure as ... (insert whatever you know for a fact is truth) I was still a bit 
   embarrassed from what had happened earlier, which even made me have
   doubts in that moment (?!) so boy I was glad when the long winding intro 
   turned into the actual start of the song. redeemed. and by THIS SONG.

   oh yeah. this song. well there's no way in hell I could react how I have
   in the past to this song tonight. for a start, I am not close to the stage
   or even on the second row. and like I said Stu is near me, and it's not
   like I think he would laugh or even think bad of me.

   it's just like I said earlier, it's easier when you are at gigs with people 
   you will never see again. you don't care what they think ... I mean in 
   Pescara I was basically hoarse from screaming the words out. 

   so here, it's very english. very reserved. 
   gently singing along.
   in the corner of my eye I see Stu is singing along.
   I didn't want him to see me noticing.
   but it was nice to see. a cute moment.
   you see in that moment what Moz meant to him.
   what Moz means to me.
   I like that it was all very subdued.
   no extreme reactions or displays.
   but all the feelings were there inside.
   bursting out and filling you with euphoria.
   it was actually all pretty perfect. 

   Neal Cassady Drops Dead is a huge favourite of mine live. I have all 
   but given up of ever hearing Art-Hounds live again!! ;) ... so the 3 songs 
   I want off the new album are:

   Neal C
   I'm Not A Man

   I love the swagger, beats and whole nonchalant unforgiving attitude 
   Neal Cassady has live. but I think that also applies I'm Not A Man, 
   and for me that song pushes those feelings even further.

   unbelievably there is NO youtube footage of this song. a shame
   as it would be great to relive the savage beauty of it echoing around
   the vast O2.

   I enjoyed it a lot. as it was quite near the end of the set. a few sneaky
   moves might have slipped out. but I am sure they were undetected 
   by the naked eye. or casual gig-goer. no word if Stu actually noticed

   Meat Is Murder affected me hugely ... because I was a bit far back 
   I could actually see the footage in good detail, and I am sure new
  footage has been inserted since 2011-2012? or perhaps I have just
  forgotten some of the specific scenes. it is still thought provoking. 
  and it baffles me when I read about people who have walked out 
  after seeing it and say it has left them traumatised. I think there 
  is a difference to being traumatised because it makes you have to
  THINK where the meat you eat actually comes from. where as it 
  leaves me traumatised by the people shown in the footage openly 
  treating the animals in such a disgusting way.


   just like The Queen Is Dead. I had no idea how I would react when this
   started up. Pescara was basically the most intense I have *ever* reacted
   to this song (and yes THIS is me you can hear "reacting" as it starts up)

   but just like The Queen Is Dead from earlier. when it starts up nothing
   really happens around me. no crowd surging forward, so I stay where I 
   am. and that's okay. it could never be how it had been ever again. I am 
   happy to enjoy it from a different perspective.

   but it will always be Speedway.
   and it will always be special.

   by now I have all but given up hope of hearing Mountjoy. once the gig
   had got underway ... EVERY song that had started up, I hoped it would 
   be that song. 

   now I know it's very unlikely to happen. it being sang 2 days earlier
   had got me all hopeful. for me it should have been played at every
   gig. it is that important a song. I love Scandinavia but I would
   have happily traded a song that is not even on the main album 
   for one that IS and one that touches you on so many levels.

   so the last two songs are Asleep and Everyday Is Like Sunday.
   what I liked is that things actually went really crazy in the audience
   for this song, bodies were crowd surfing to the front. the audience
   reaction was nice to see and especially cause it was to this song. 
   so for the second time only that night. I filmed a bit of the gig.

   it's a great way to end the gig, it feels triumphant and encompassing.
   you could really feel that this was one song that everyone was so happy 
   to be hearing. 

   and that it's all over. no more Moz gigs on the horizon. your lil mini
   3 month adventure is over. Moz seemed happy and touched by the
   reaction he received tonight. I hope he does not leave it that long to
   play London, and feel that love again. 

   I'm such a wuss, just watching the above makes me emotional.
   'you should be a morrisey fan'
   oh wait I already am ;)

   I want to say hello to all the people who I met at the after show. 
   it was lovely to meet you all. I liked you all a lot. 

   me and stu. a cool dude. 

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Morrissey - Palasport Giovanni Paolo II, Pescara - 19 October 2014

so this was a pretty big deal. Morrissey playing Pescara. the town closest to
where my relatives are in Italy. what are the odds?!! the whole idea was go 
to Italy see relatives, see moz. and my Mum gets to see the man who has
impacted me so much. I found that the cutest thing ever. 

me in my favorite Morrissey t shirt before setting off for the gig.
excuse the doofy expression. I was rather stressed out/excited
in anticipation of the gig ... not to mention the whole trying 
to get a good photo thing ... which I gave up on ;)

only in Italy would be the BOOTLEG MERCH be set up like this!! 
... no, dumped all over the pavements like in the UK!!!

I bought the Meat is Murder/Hatful of Hollow ones below.
why the hell did I not buy the Sheila one above??!! NO IDEA!!!

first glimpse inside of the stage 

the official merch. I bought the t shirt on the right above.
I rather like the WORLD PEACE one below 

The Queen Is Dead
Certain People I Know
World Peace Is None Of Your Business 
I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
Kiss Me A Lot
Neal Cassady Drops Dead
Trouble Loves Me
The Bullfighter Dies
Kick the Bride Down The Aisle
Earth Is The Loneliest Planet
Meat Is Murder
How Soon Is Now?
You Have Killed Me
I'm Not A Man 

Everyday Is Like Sunday 

the realisation that THE QUEEN IS DEAD has just started up shocks me 
so much that for a minute I am so startled, I don't know how to react. 
then I do, I stop recording on the flip immediately. put it into my pocket
and without even thinking, start REACTING to this song.

this is very good, with this first song a precedent has been set, and I 
mean for me in the audience. I have reacted, people near me know 
have reacted. that awkward, just reacting a little bit, all polite and 
conservative thing you do at the start of gigs never even happened ...  
it has been bypassed. and within 30 seconds. 

nice one moz. please start all gigs like this. 

I am jumping up and down punching the air, singing along, all whilst 
still adjusting to the realisation that THIS is happening. I am finally 
hearing this song live, and it could not be any more perfect. live it's 
brutal and powerful and all encompassing. 

the flip was still recording whilst in my pocket!!! this is priceless to me. 
it takes me right back ... hear me during QUEEN at 0:39/1:11 

SPEEDWAY as the second song and FOLLOWING on from what has 
already happened catches me so off guard, and is SO PERFECT that I 
let out the loudest roar/scream within 2 seconds of it starting. listening 
back to it now (at 3:20 above) it gives me goose pimples and made me
well up with tears. that night it was the most perfect moz gig moment
I have EVER been a part of.

listen for me singing along at 3:46 ;)
listen for me singing along at 4:53 ;)

this is the most perfect 2 song gig opener I have ever witnessed.

I love how the the tempo of the song lends itself so well to jumping 
up and down ... and also how the song meanders and almost drifts 
off dreamily and then picks up, meaning that the intensity of your 
reactions is always changing. right up until you get to the 'written lies' 
bit when you are just screaming your lungs out, like you have waited 
2 years for this moment ... oh hang on, YOU HAVE ... and you just 
hear your own voice over everything else. and the realisation hits you, 
of the importance of all this, this moment, to you (6:42/7:04 above)

CERTAIN PEOPLE I KNOW is a good 3rd song. you can just enjoy it, 
in a 'having a rock-a-billy style dance' way. it's not as intense as the 
previous 2 songs, but I wouldn't really want a 3rd song to be. 

it's a joyous 3 minutes revelling in it and marvelling at what has already 

everyone claps along to the start of WORLD PEACE IS NONE OF YOUR
BUSINESS. and it's a really cute and nice moment. 

I'M THROWING MY ARMS AROUND PARIS is joyous and celebrationary 
and is just plain lovely. I am so happy now, that I am just enjoying it all 
and am totally relaxed

Morrissey says PES-CARA (in 2 parts) after and its the cutest thing ever!

KISS ME A LOT. not a big fave off the album. neverthless it's a cute lil 
thing that you can just sway along to and just immerse yourself in and

Moz reads out a banner "Pescara is happiest Coastal town of all" and
adds "that's what they say la la la la" and it is darn cute. yes people have 
made banners. it's cute and shows what this concert, means to them. 
take note UK ... make banners. show moz you love him/are grateful to 
see him ;)

NEAL CASSADY DROPS DEAD follows on from the mood of before,
except it gets more intense reactions from me, cause I love this song 
so much. the best thing is with the start of the gig having been like 
THAT, I am already in the frame of mind where I JUST DON'T CARE 
... some gigs (not necessarily Moz) you get through the whole gig and 
never reach that stage

and INSTANBUL carries on that frame of mind just lovely ... ISTANBUL
astounds me with it's power and beauty live, which I had noticed instantly
when it was played in Milan. I mean I loved it already, but it is even more
beautiful and touching live. if that is possible. obviously because it is all
happening in front of you and not on a cd, it is going to have a huge impact
on you. and this sure does. 

''By now you expect my Italian to be fluent ... it isn't!!" 
(cute bit at the start of above)

the crowd all cheer when the meandering music intro goes into the start
of TROUBLE LOVES ME ... this song abruptly ends the casual relaxed
atmosphere I have been enjoying in previous songs. obviously, it's THIS
SONG ...  the emotions slowly building up in me. my voice getting louder 
until all I can hear is my voice over everything around me ... and by the 
time it gets to the 'charlatanize me' and the "so english frowning" bit 
I am screaming the words out like I have never been touched by any 
other words so deeply. 

hear off-key brit singing (me, not moz) at 4.18/4.28/4.50/5.03 /5.23/5.28
and err 5.43 hahaha

the start of HOW SOON IS NOW vibrates through. it is so loud and 
apocalyptic that I instantly start jumping up and down and never let up. 

it makes no difference. I carry on doing the same, I think of Daz, who 
I know would be doing the same if he was here ... this is even better 
than when I heard it in Manchester 2012. I am not going to waste how 
I have already felt earlier in this gig, to suddenly NOT react now, even 
if I am all alone.

so I go for it ... like I never have gone for it ever before. all alone.

above at 1:44. right hand corner. the 2 arms punching the air. that 
is me. keep an eye on that corner (and me) as the song progresses ;)
haha me at 2:23. pretty funny to see myself. I guess I #kinda went for
it!!! ;)

at the end, some guy appears from nowhere and starts jumping up 
and down with me!! ... it was a nice moment to realise one other 
person had to react in a similiar way

then something funny happened. I decided to move. move from the 
right hand side where I had been all gig, into the crowd. just decided 
to do it. I wanted to be more near the front. so I did. the italians were 
not too impressed with someone squeezing by them. but oh well. I had 
made up my mind ... that makes me sound a very confident person!!! 
which I am not, I just wanted to be closer to Moz, and wasn't gonna let 
their faces of disapprovement stop me. so I get to just a few rows from 
the front as ASLEEP starts up and film it on my Flip (above) how perfect 
and beautiful is it?? it meant a lot to the crowd, people were all singing 
along all around me.

EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY starts up, it all goes a bit mental. I am 
on the 2nd row. it's chaotic and beautiful. intense and life affirming. 
it affects me in a way that it hasn't for years. when you like a song so
much and it has affected you so strongly so much in the past, it can be 
hard for it to affect you on the same level every time. but tonight it was
back to how it had used to affect me. hitting me all at once, the power
and beauty (and desperation) of it

and this is where things go weird. very weird. good weird.
see 0:14 above

morrissey tickles my fingers

this affected me so much, and left me in such a state I had no idea
he had even done a shirt toss at the end of the song.

see a different view (from just behind me) below at 2:41 

excuse me while I go cry for 500 years.
these videos make me want to cry right here. right now.
from happiness. I am a wuss. I am G.

also, how fkng amazing and JOYOUS does it sound??!!
I was DYING OF HAPPINESS  before he even tickled my fingers
best live version I have ever been a part of.

needless to say. I was in a daze as the gig ended. 
I am so happy that I had decided to move into the crowd.
I never could have expected that to happen.
and before that it had been a perfect gig.

I had no words for my happiness.

update on post moz gig experiences.
my mum really liked it (Sunday was fave)
my uncle who previously said he did not really like the
cd versions of the songs that much really enjoyed it all live
(update: he loves the cds now)
so impressed was he, he could not work out how he had never
saw the Smiths in the 80s when he was seeing Simple Minds,
U2 etc 

his girlfriend loved it. she is even more obsessed with his songs now
LET ME KISS YOU is her fave (she loves the hollywood live version)
but she loved that song before the gig, I had told her I doubt it would
be played. she loves it even more now. she can't stop listening to the
cds. we are gonna go see moz the next time he plays Italy.

final thoughts on gig.
best 2 song start to a moz gig ever.
Trouble killed me and How Soon is now finished me off. 
no words for Sunday.

I love you Morrissey.
thanks for the tickle.