cbgb's broke my heart

   it really did.

   there's something about catching the tube in London when it suddenly
   goes overground that always made me think of New York, this clanking
   metal carriage suddenly interspersed with daylight and buildings and
   shapes as you sped by. something that made you think in that second
   'I can see myself in New York by myself' ... and it would be be okay.

   and 4 months later I was there ... to see Radiohead at Madison Square
   Garden. but it was about so much more than that ... it was about more
   than just seeing Radiohead ... it was *where* I was seeing them. NEW
   YORK ... I would get to see CBGB's. I would get to see CBGB's.







   I did not catch the subway there. I did not want to arrive in a blur of
   darkness. I wanted to see how New York changed from Times Square
   to the Lower east side. So I walked ... okay, it took a few hours - but
   it was worth every minute. I loved seeing how the streets suddenly
   changed the further away you got. lots of times I wondered if I was
   going in the right direction ... then walking down a tree lined street
   I saw something in the distance .... the red CBGB's logo. my heart
   jumped a beat and my eyes welled up. CBGB's was right there.



   I know they are goofy poses. but I didn't want to just stand there
   like it was no big deal ... how pale and squinty do I look above!!
   1000 point epic fail. having said that, Joy Division t shirt in front
   of CB's ... I know I'm breaking the hipster cool-ness scale!!!

   I was there basically all afternoon getting photos in front of
   CBGB's!!! ... I stopped a lot of people!! and I was right to know
   that I'd have to take a lot of photos ... because when I got the
   photos back (pre-digital cameras!) ... photo after photo had
   my eyes closed (that old trick of mine!) ... but I loved every
   minute of it. standing in front of CBGB's ... dude!!



   I have to mention the below 2 songs. they had just been released when
   I went and I listened to them more than any other songs while I was
   there. they always soundtracked my journey arriving to CB's on the
   subway. just something about the beats and strings in the songs that
   perfectly suited that time of year and the cooler temperature.




   I went back that night to see a band (Secret Agent Bill) camera in
   hand!! ... how excited was I!! you payed at the door and as you went
   in there were little seating booths and tables on the left and a bar on
   the right. the place wasn't too busy and down the front it wasn't packed
   full of punker kids ... there were little sets of tables and chairs ... which
   I sat down at. okay so that wasn't exactly what I'd wanted, but it didn't
   matter - all I could think when I was sitting there was I'M AT CBGB's!!
   I'M AT CBGB's!! (and this went on for quite a while!) just the realisation
   that I was actually there. I was finally there. I just couldn't take it all in.
   the cute punk rock waitress from when I got a coke earlier came and
   asked if I wanted another drink, so I had another ... how cool was that!!
   ... punk rock table service!!

   to go to the toilets you had to go towards the stage and walk down the
   left hand side (which I kind of liked! - slightly awkward as you pass the
   band onstage!!) and go downstairs. the toilets were everything that you
   had ever read, stickers and graffitti everywhere.

   a funny thing was as I sat there I remember being almost disappointed
   that some stickers (advertising a new release) were almost strategically
   placed near the bottom part of the stage. I was kinda disappointed that
   it seemed so commercial ... but it didn't bother me for long. I'd go back
   to thinking I'M AT CBGB's!! ... thinking about it now, they were just trying
   to survive. 3 years after these photos were taken ... CBGB's was gone.
   forever.

   and so was part of my fantasy of always being able to go there and watch
   bands ... punk rock waitress still being there and recognising me ... I went
   back a second time on the Saturday, the place was really packed, but sadly
   still no punker kids. it was some kind of world music event. okay so I never
   got the raucous gigs I wanted there ... but I had seen it. I had been there.
   I'll forever be thankful I went when I did and that memory of me sitting
   there not really believing where I was ... it still brings a smile to my face
   every time I think of it.







   2 of my prized possessions - joke/no joke!! - the second was on a wall outside,
   still has the tape attached!! ... forever my little piece of CB's



   here are some great videos of bands at CBGB's which really capture
   what it must have been like to have been there. hole above playing
   my favourite first album song. H20 and Agnostic front below. I've seen
   both these bands at The Charlotte in Leicester, a same size small venue
   PACKED FULL OF PUNKER KIDS ... so I know exactly what it must
   have been like in that room 1000's of miles away.











   I NEED TO WATCH THIS FILM!!!  ... I want to be that guy so bad.



   great feature (apart from the annoying presenters) about the hardcore
   matinee shows/scene at CB's. I saw so many straight-edge hardcore
   bands at The Charlotte so I'm really envious of people that went to
   these!!



   I love this video (that tour looks amazing!!) the clip below shows you
   exactly where CBGB's was positioned ... on a huge main road ... it kind
   of shocked me how small and un-obtrusive it was ... almost lost in the
   rest of the street.



   CB's the day after it closed. I get a bit teary watching this. I know
   I'm a wuss.



   how it is now. this breaks my heart. for real.



   I don't want to leave it on that thought ... and that footage.
   the below is perfect. cool punkers hanging out there in 84/85.
   in an alternate (perfect) life I would have been watching gigs
   at CB's - not The Charlotte. would you have been there too??

my new favourite t shirt.

when I saw this (brand new t shirt) on eBay at
£4.99(!!) buy it now(!!!) - I couldn't hit that BUY
IT NOW button quick enough!!

the things I like about it:

1.the colour, I have a thing for t shirts that
baby blue colour

2. the name (sounding like a 'Smiths song) and
they just happen to be a pretty marvelous band
too! (but with that name, I had no doubt they
were going to be be ... and just my thing)

it got me thinking ... if everyone was given
a t shirt like this and had to write something
underneath, what would they write? I would
write HAVE BELIEF IN HIMSELF

so you have a t shirt that says
'the boy (girl) least likely to ...

WHAT WOULD YOU WRITE??

Morrissey - MCR Arena, Manchester - 28/7/12

   so basically the gig was me having these little moments just hit me
   and making me want to cry - in that second. really. you= don't be a
   wuss, toughen up listen to Nirvana ... me: err I already do.

   but I'm way ahead of myself. lets go back to the beginning.

   Morrissey's only uk show of the year. of course I was going be there.
   ... and I think regardless of where it was in the uk I would have been
   there ... as it was, it was in Manchester, just two 1 hour train rides
   away. his first uk show since his gigs last August. a 1-off, in an arena
   (ARENA!!) this is not what I am used to for Moz gigs, but I kind of
   like the idea that it's going to be on a whole other scale to what I'm
   used to.

   every gig I'm the same. I just want it to be over, to know it was good
   ... and to just have it in my mind as a memory that can't be altered
   or changed. something forever perfect that is untouchable ... and
   after every gig I'm the same. I want to relive it. to go back and have
   listened non-stop to the songs beforehand, to have enjoyed the time
   before the gig .... you know like other people:) but I never do ... I just
   never can, I mean I'm this anxious already ... if I did that then my
   anxious-ness and excitement would just about engulf me!! ... but is
   it any wonder, it's Morrissey we are talking about here. those songs.

   I'm looking at the venue website and see the capacity for the venue
   and I remembered that I'd read elsewhere previously that it is the
   largest indoor venue in europe ... 20,000 people!!! ... I had forgot
   all about that, I was thinking it was a regular arena. 20,000 people  
   ... eek. even more anxious now.

   originally I was going to walk to the venue, but it's raining ... so I
   decide to look for a taxi and take my umbrella with me ... as soon
   as I leave the hotel I see that there are taxis waiting outside, so I
   tell the taxi driver to wait while I take my umbrella back up. when
   I come back down the taxi has gone (that's what I like, your word
   doesn't mean anything these days ... if it would have been me, I
   would have stayed there, regardless if another fare came along)   
   I turn the corner and see a taxi coming down the road, which I
   stop.

   of course it couldn't just be a normal taxi driver and normal taxi
   ride. I'm not sure what it's in relation to, getting a taxi/going to a
   concert, these things combined with having come especially here
   for a gig. but he kept on going f****** hell ... just kept on saying it
   and everytime I couldn't work out if it was a question or statement.
   the tone and manner lent itself to both. needless to say I was happy
   when I saw the venue and was glad I hadn't dedcided to walk there.
   it would have taken at least 30 minutes (as well as me not really
   knowing where I was going) £10 well spent.

   walking up the stairs to the venue different people are handing out
   flyers. a dark haired boy touches his longish messy hair. he is wearing
   a flowery shirt and pearls. and looks very cool. he also looked like he
   kind of wished he was somewhere else.

   entering the venue I'm hit by the amount of people, the size of the
   place and the actual enormity of the night. it wasn't a nice feeling.
   I always hate arena gigs, feeling like you share the artist with that
   many people ... smaller gigs always fill you with a different feeling,
   like it's just proper fans ... no room for casual people that have just
   ended up going.



   I can hear Kristeen is still on. entering into the arena I see I am directly
   at the back of the venue, it's quite daunting seeing it in front of me and
   realising how far away the stage was from where I was. going down a
   lot of stairs I move to the front, right hand side and end up (very easily)
   with a great position. so I'm finally seeing Kristeen ... and I really like her.
   she's kooky and PJ like ... but also more theatrical. I had previously read
   that some people did not like her supporting Morrissey. after seeing her
   I cannot understand how people could not like her. people are strange.




   Kristeen in action ... how cool is she. this is from just after I had
   arrived. I think what she said is in reference to the rough time
   she had had on stage.




  
   the view behind me



   just like last years gigs, there is a little film of clips before M hits the
   stage. very thoughtful of Moz ... I am a bag of nerves anyway, and this
   occupies the time nicely.














  
   the back-drop before the gig starts (obscured because of my view point)
   the image is of Adam West and Burt Ward (Batman and Robin from the 
   60's  TV show) ... definitely needs to be on a Moz shirt.


  
   Moz and the boys ... we hate William and Kate shirts!!!





   he's the mozzer. oh yes he is.





   an abundance of blue lighting was used at the gig. co-incidence or on purpose?
   clues and signs left right and centre.


   above - imperfect list intro/you have killed me/everyday is like sunday
  
   okay so I'm not squashed up near the front. but I don't mind. I'll make
   my move when 'Speedway starts up. all hell will break loose. it will all
   be such a rush. boy am I ready.

   I love the start with 'the imperfect list being read out. very atmospheric
   with the strobing lights. Moz recites Pattis Smith's 'Horses(!) and it leads
   into YOU HAVE KILLED ME ... beer starts flying upwards in the crowd
   to my left ... and in a nutshell is exactly the kind of gig I didn't want this
   to be. EVERYDAY IS LIKE SUNDAY is next ... didn't you learn anything
   after last years gigs? - seemingly not. just like then, as it starts I think
   'hmm a bit slow (basically think) that's blown that then - and once again
   (just like then) it gets to me just before the chorus and it's like a wave
   (of realisation) hits me and really just makes me want to burst into tears
   at that precise second ... (and it won't be the last time a little moment
   will catch me out like that) ... YOU'RE THE ONE FOR ME FATTY is an
   interesting one. I like it, but nothing like the fervour I have for other
   songs from that period.

   it took me a minute to grasp HOW SOON IS NOW was starting up. I'd
   never heard it live and I really never expected to hear it ... and here it
   was happening in front of me. it sounds astounding. muscular, pulsating
   and stuttering - and menacing, really really menacing. loud. loud. loud.
   I am floored, in awe, DUMBFOUNDED at the perfection.
 
   at that moment I LOVE where I am, I have a great little group of people
   near me, just doing their own thing, quietly into it ... reactions wern't
   dramatic or anything, but it was so  perfect. like we were in our own little
   worlds. kinda perfect for the very nature of this song. press play and be
   ready to marvel at it.



   I'M THROWING MY ARMS AROUND PARIS just really gets me emotionally.
   and it's not just one bit, it's the whole song, it's like a euphoric and emotional
   hit all in one - see for yourself



   OUIJA BOARD OUIJA BOARD hmm good but I heard it last year and
   I like it (a lot) but wished it had been 'November spawned a Monster.
   shocked beyond belief when MALADJUSTED starts. never thought I'd
   hear it live. love that album and this song so much. I love how it's real
   heavy and droning and kind of grunge-y sounding. oh yes my favourite
   things all merged together.



   I've not heard LAST NIGHT I DREAMT THAT SOMEBODY LOVED ME
   since my first Moz gig at Rock City. then I was squashed up at the front
   and I remember it was a gradual and building start and when it actually
   began it was loud and sublime and just floored me when I realised what
   was happening. this was one moment when I wished I was up the front
   (but I'd make my move in 'Speedway) this is the kind of song where you
   need to be in a crush (like Suede's 'Asphalt world) people around me are
   singing out loud and it's really nice to hear their voices singing along with 
   Morrissey's. a woman in front of me is crying, she lifts her fingers up and
   looks at the tears. it was a really powerful thing to see ... the funny thing
   was that after everything I had thought at the start of the song about
   having to be squashed up at the front to appreciate this song, I realised
   it wasn't about it being dramatic ... the 'real arms around me bit came
   round and it was just like in 'Everyday is like sunday when a moment
   of the song just hits you intensely. and in a song like this it is a truly
   powerful (and just perfect) thing.

   I love the intro (surving the moronic diamond jubilee!!:)

   I KNOW IT'S OVER affects me the same as last year, it's always the same part
   (in my heart it was so real)



   I loved it when I recognised the opening of BLACK CLOUD ... it was one
   I was hoping for. I have no idea why some people dislike this song. no idea
   whatsoever.



   because of my angle I couldn't really see the film-show for MEAT IS MURDER
   but from the snatches I see, I know it's the same one as last year. I love the
   power in it ... and the end of the song is so apocolyptic.



   and then the moment my.world.stopped ... he sang LET ME KISS YOU.
   I just couldn't take it in. if you could have seen my face.


   how perfect does it sound live???? - press play and MELT... look out for
   what happens at 2.19!!! - very dramatic moment live!

   after all of the times I've listened to it thinking to myself that I would
   love to hear it live ... it was finally happening. I was so happy. I loved
   little things in it, like when Morrissey clapped, I clapped along too and
   it just made the intensity even more. once again I was really pleased
   with where I was. around me people were doing their own thing and
   they didn't mind when I punched the air ... and that's what I loved about
   this song, how it's a pretty slow song - but just how it would affect you
   and make you react (almost involuntarily) to it ... like you were just
   drawn to reacting in such a way ...

   and it just makes me smile that it wasn't some old Morrissey song or
   Smiths song that affected me like that. it was a (relatively) recent song
   that would end up being my song of the night. 3.05 onwards makes me
   want to CRY NOW ... pure beauty. I couldn't believe it when I heard it
   in front of me - I always wondered if it'd be done exactly the same live.
   for me it's the most important part .... and it was done live. like I said.
   CRY NOW.

   **only realised this after the gig when watching the above ... he rips his
   shirt open during the line ‘but then you open your eyes and you see
   someone that you physically despise’… does he think this? Is he full of
   self disgust? Is he playing with the crowd? It’s powerful and confusing
   (from John Robb's great gig review)

   okay, so things are very different for SPEEDWAY tonight. normally
   it's apocolyptic when it starts, people KNOW what's going to happen
   (and that break) as it starts tonight there is no jolt forward (I look to
   the crowd) so I don't make a move ... and in the break there is no-one
   trying to get over the barrier (like at the Palladium last year) I found
   out I don't need to be up in the crush anyway for this song!! this was
   the one song that I really went for it ... I was jumping up and down
   so much punching the air. it was a great thing when I realised what
   was happening ... how it had still ended up affecting me.

   look at the crowd at 1.37 ... polite arms stretched out!!! BRIXTON 2011
   WAS NOT LIKE THAT!!!


   the next song has Moz reciting some lines (now known as Irving Berlin's
   'Let Me Sing and I'm Happy') then he goes into PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
   LET ME GET WHAT I WANT ... it catches everyone off guard, the gasp
   when people realise what it is hits you right at the core. this is one song
   I always wanted to hear but never expected it. everyone sings along
   and it was a moment that just reduced you ... I love the bit at the end
   where Moz goes I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU ... and it has the guitar bit
   at the end which has always been my favourite part of the whole song.
   Beautiful.



   talk about a shock .... STILL ILL  starts up!!!! it is a real shock. one I've
   never heard. I love how it's real celebrationary and punchy.


   Morrissey dedicated the evening to the recently deceased Manchester tour
   manager John Mcbeath. it was really touching when he said that.

   and that's it. it's all over. I'm very happy ... so many great moments and
   songs. but where the hell was ART HOUNDS + THE KIDS A LOOKER!!?
   only his 2 best new songs!!! after the gig walking out the venue into the
   street I remembered he hadn't done 'There is a light that never goes out'
   and I was so happy(!!) I mean I love that song, but I don't like how these
   days it defines him and The Smiths ... people only ever talk about THE
   QUEEN IS DEAD album and that song ... and I totally understand why
   (I love that song so much) but I don't think it should be a given that it
   will be played at every single gig and I like that I hadn't even thought
   of this song during the gig!

   I had a look at morrissey-solo.com and had a right chuckle(!!) why?
   because people were moaning they were caught off-guard by the
   early start as they were still drinking at the bar(!!) I say if you want
   to drink go to a pub ... if you want to go to a gig, be there waiting
   BEFORE the support ends. that aside complaints were that it wasn't
   the 'knees-up celebration they all hoped for (after the last gig there)
   bemoaning the lack of IRISH/GANG TO DIE (some people saying)
   worst gig ever and the last time they'll go to see him (yadda yadda
   yadda) so the people throwing beer into the air at the start probably
   didn't get the gig that they wanted - and I don't feel sorry for them
   one bit.

   I would have hated a rabble rousing set in an arena. and that's not
   to say I didn't have a rabble-rousing time ... but the success of a gig is
   not measured solely by the bpm of the songs played and how much
   beer you can throw into the air during them.

   a lot of people on there loved the gig though and what was nice to see
   was that people were not happy about the reception that Kristeen had
   received and the apparent abuse that she was getting from one drunk
   woman.

   someone hated that 'Let me kiss you followed 'Meat is murder - I think
   it was inspired and the best move ever!!

   ** and yes after the gig I wished it was before the gig and I was listening
   to Moz non-stop and had it all in front of me:)

   1.You Have Killed Me (With 'Horses' intro)
   2.Everyday Is Like Sunday
   3.You're The One For Me, Fatty 
   4.How Soon Is Now?
   5.I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris
   6.Ouija Board, Ouija Board
   7.Maladjusted
   8.Last Night I Dreamt That Somebody Loved Me
   9.When Last I Spoke To Carol 
   10.People Are The Same Everywhere
   11.I Know It's Over
   12.To Give (The Reason I Live) [Frankie Valli cover]
   13.Black Cloud
   14.Scandinavia
   15.Meat Is Murder
   16.Let Me Kiss You
   17.Action Is My Middle Name 
   18.I Will See You In Far-Off Places
   19.Speedway 
   20.Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want

   21.Still Ill




  
   IT'S A SIGN!!!!! - not sure yet what it's alluding to - but cryptic hand
   gestures are the #1 choice of Morrisseysworld. the fact it happened just
   as this BLUE ROSE appeared makes me believe it even more. yes I'm
   fully aware that no-one else has spotted this sign. a coo for this blog
   I know.

   but WHY didn't he accept the blue rose?? it has previously been said
   if a blue rose is offered he will accept it??? the plot thickens.


























  
   this is when Moz handed the mic to the front row ... he seemed
   very bashful and shy ... and it was real cute to see. very disappointed
   in what was said, not one fan said WHO IS MORRISSEYSWORLD?



  
   it may look white but that was the camera flash washing the colour out
   it was actually a BLUE ROSE ... yes *another* BLUE rose. soon the world
   will take note of what is happening.






  
   who is Morrissey? - indeed ... but WHO IS MORRISSEYSWORLD??!!??


  
   the merch ... what would you have bought??



  
   you know when I wrote about the madonna fan-boys nearly in tears
   because the tour programme had sold-out ... at the time I was like
   'dude it's only a tour programme c'mon'  ... forward 2 weeks and me
   running from merch stall to merch stall to try and get the FORZA
   MOZZA shirt ... all gone, only smalls left ... and at that moment I
   coulda cried and felt exactly the same way they'd felt.


  
   wish I''d got the small now ... would've been tight, but I don't care.
   I need that shirt ... I'm half Italian f'gods sake!!! ... I need it more than
   anyone (italian moz fans aside obviously!!) ... just too perfect. I know
   you like it too.

   these below are the 2 t shirts I bought - yes that is a young Mozzer!!!!!
   yeah I know ... you don't need to tell me ... out-cooling everyone even
   at that young age.


  
   is this (click on it) Morrissey's *OWN* blog??



   such a well-kept secret that a/the majority of *HIS* fans don't even
   know about it and b/even if they do, they SWEAR BLIND he cannot
   be in any way connected to it .... ignoring (cough) co-incidence after
   co-incidence. of course the blue.rose.society. know different

   **UPDATE - it has since closed down - and all blog posts have
   been deleted. but this has happened in the past (and then out
   of the blue it starts up again) ... follow it anyway so you're ready
   when it comes back ... JUST WHO IS BEHIND THIS BLOG???

   join Rat's mission in piecing together the myriad of clues that are
   forever appearing followingthemozziah.blogspot.co.uk 
  
   how many times have I listened to LET ME KISS YOU since the gig??!
   err rather a lot. but what's nice is that now I don't think to myself that
   I'd love to hear it live ... I just remember and do a little half-smile.
.